Madre

The universe softens at the mere thought of your touch 

The world is safer and sounder

There's something magical about your laughter

It turns salt water to sugar ...

Around you I feel the weight of the world subside
Looking at you eases the soul

Your soul feeds mine light when I look at your deep brown eyes

You're a jewel from a heaven unknown,

As you console my heart and dry my tears, you wring admiration from the dampened towels of my sadness,

As your hands are at my eye level while I cry to you my challenges,

Resonating visions of sacrifice and hard work to provide and protect ,

all for the preservation of my purity ..

The diaries of a single mother, of course you can comprehend...

I suspect that you're unaware of what you have done to me,

Responsible for extending the walls of my heart to extremes miles apart

To the extent that horizons converge…

You’re beyond grand Madre linda…

It's your fault I'm the creature I turned out to be

If I’m a beholder of love and nobility

it's because of the delivery of your life to me

When dreaming of the perfection of a cloud

The tenderness and peace embedded in its figure

It's your arms that I'm in when my eyes are gently shut,

Since your arms are clouds clothed with beige to disguise the angel you configure

The comfort from your voice is a mysterious charm of luck  

I revel in its resonance as it escapes your lips

It's the seed I'm connected to from the first moment of existence

Your voice is the memory I never take for granted

A memory I say, because when we are apart

I think of you, and in the near distance I hear your voice…

it places hope back in my mind

It's a sin to lose a gem, to acknowledge its value

Awareness in me would not allow an ingratitude 

The God in your being deserves the depth of my soul

And my soul is comprised of grateful, abundant love from your soul.

Latin Seduction Beat

Drums, conga, the pulse infiltrates through my blood
Flava gets deliciously stronger
Yeah baby it starts right now
Founding fathers
NYC downtown
You made it happen
You gave this to me now
Percussion, rhythm, vibing to my bones
Curves are becoming dangerous as they take off on the floor
Salsa gimme more
The soul is pure
Trumpets scream for me
Hips seduce you like the sugar in your coffee
Heat rising with your notes Mr. Saxophone
You see my heat getting redder?
Wait until you get a piece when we're alone
Baby take off that sweater
Cus you don't know intense until today
Passion lies between these hips that draw you in sway by sway
The beat is fire
Collective together with me
Salsa is my lover
It gives me fever so I could please after I tease
I'm a master at putting you in the disaster of the spice I’m shaking about
With the movement of my steps
The beat of my seduction has you hypnotized from toe to head
The curves I'm throwing at you embrace the heat of the sounds
Hector, Tito, Victor, Oscar De Leon
Mmmm you're in trouble now
Damn, we're trouble together
I got these boys on the lock down with the fire moving my body around and around and around...
Gimme my salsa Papi
It fuels my Latin heat
I got you in the corner sweating hot and cold…
Welcome to ecstasy on your feet.

Lost

The nights so still
Silence so loud
Cold bites my soul
I don't want to leave this now
I'm not a game
I deserve more than I have
I'm capable of it all
Foolish my other half
I am alone
In the stillness of the night
I am alone in a crowd
Alone in daylight
In my house
All the time
I am alone
I feel fear and light at the same time
I see light
I see more
My eyes are the doors
Entrance of depth
Your darkness I don't accept
I'm in a hole
Sadness beyond control
Depression took over
I'm lost in a dimension I always turn away
I climb to the top without tiring
But somehow I got here today?
My mind floods with dark possibilities
The speed is much too fast
I need to drown my sorrows
In a nice cold glass
I'm transitioning to the duality I loathe
My fathers daughter I'm becoming
Drowning in the vice I despise most
It's numbing
It's consoling
It's understandable in the blurr
I'm afraid of the damage genetics incur
A drink is minor next to his doom from the drugs
I don't want to walk that path of dirt
I just need a hug...
But my pride is hurt
Another drink is happy times
I need a reason to not
In darkness one cant see the signs
This is better than the drain from depression

Genetics win at times like this
When there's true love this doesn't occur.

Battles

I’m sick
Sometimes demented
Sometimes beautiful and ideal
Nothing is right
And many times moments are so sweet that nothing could be wrong
Bittersweet forms my mood swings
You make them reasonable
I am demented; this connection with you is overly prolonged
You live off my sorrow
You confuse me in choosing my battles
I imagine being invincible
I would place you forcefully in my shoes
Walk in my skin and feel the knives that I trample
Eggshells are silk compared to the blood my feet tolerate
Before the face of anger I'm a victim to vulnerability
Victim of my “id”
Victim of the “me” I struggle not to be
The “me” you don’t like to see
I CAN breathe anymore
But I don't want to...but I do
And then when I carry 3 tons in my chest, I don't want to and resign to the frailty
I appear like a stone wall to you
You wrote on me the animosity I feel today
I’m the stone creation of your abuse
And now you want to vandalize your own fabrication…
How can there be such a thin line between love and hate
I found love in a hopeless place

Blink of an Eye

I stood beneath a floating mantle of grey,
The stillness of the ambience shattered my rushing pace,
I let myself be,
It won against anxiety’s dismay,
Realized that today is just a moment that will turn to yesterday,
I looked and I saw,
The godsend before my eyes in its entirety,
She’s my sacred project that continues developing every day,
For tomorrow my hair will be brittle and gray,
She will be sprouted,
The grandest harvest of my life’s garden,
She is the seed that changed my ways….
Cherish,
A whisper blown to me by manic gusts of wind,
I do so much,
Everything that I touch,
Especially my precious child,
The moments never fail to remind me,
Awake I am,
It's a blessing holding hands with melancholy,
I accept,
I oblige,
Now that I've accepted this moment beneath the grey sky,
And submerged in it with the sharpness of my ears, nose, and eyes,
I continue to the rhythm of my steps with the blink of an eye.

Escape to Heaven

Escape to Heaven

I wish to walk fields of sand
Weightlessly to the water
The trip within this place is a task I'm happy to encounter
I delight in the joy of making it to liquid
Surrounded by the vast blue schemes of universe above me
Adorned together with gentle puffs of white heaven that I can nearly reach
With rays of glimmering heat caressing my soul
A blanket of utopia nourishes me through my eyes
Float spirit
Float through this portal of welcoming serenity and savor the element of water
Droplets of life to bathe in that filter me with cleansing purity
My hands, the blessed instruments that acquiesce with the sanctity of this glory
My perfect sanctuary with light crystals surround me, how delicious this ecstasy
I love so much, I love this ability
Water...Sparkling power of liquid matter that purifies my light once again
Renewal of peace
I’m a feather in this imagery
This opportunity is real and accessible whenever need be
I'm allowed a part of the grace of this world…
Water embraced, absorbed through my mouth and fills me with elation
White roses and a trail of light pink petals beside my feet
I turn from the water to unite with gardens of color
I’m welcomed by galleries of multihued blooms
A seashore with rainbow rows of roses minus the thorns
My feet over petals over sand, silk and earth united under my sole
The view displays an ocean complete with reflections of angelic flashes…
I inhale plentiful breaths of the splendor of peace and magnificence of this travel
I'm home
I celebrate in harmony alone...

Analogy of Love

Love is like a remedy…

It cures but upsets another part of your body

Occasionally the remedy is worse than the illness

Pitiful…the inadequacy of a remedy

How sad that a remedy doesn’t heal

A remedy has no guarantee

The only security it comes with is the unpredictability it imposes

Love executes the chance of an acquired tranquility

I disapprove

Thus the reason for my cold

My choice is to let the skin thicken

To protect my temple from a remedy which is twofold

That’s a remedy that I can control

Empty Answers

Through time I walk two bewildering paths. I'm the master of my journey with a predisposition of confusion that all humans have. Where did I come from? Where was my soul before the scheduled moment of my birth? Where was my soul before I escaped the womb? Is there a God or am I here because aliens had to move to another planet and I'm the evolution of their species? Or am I an experiment? Is it strange that I look in the mirror and that through my eyes I feel like I’m a thread away from knowing and remembering something that slips out of my hands instantaneously? Is it normal to have visions with my eyes open and then it transpires? What is a dream really? Is dejavu occurring because I travelled through time and seconds later it’s unrecognizable and manifests itself into a new moment again? And then I’m aware of these signs that cross my path but I note them and ignore it from my need to be logical according to my human colleagues… I have a passion for knowing past my own comprehension. It’s not a matter of control; it’s a matter of knowing I’m an entity that deserves an increment of truth. The ones who care to know should have the opportunity to be exposed to truth at some point and made aware that the truth is before you, so that one can distinguish the truth from the signs. There's questions answered by intelligent theories, the problem is there’s no concrete response. If this is the case how can anything be certain? There's no certainty in me being. No certainty in me being where I think I am. No certainty in my movements or thoughts. Yet it’s imposed on me to make something out of my "time" on this planet. And what's the purpose when any accomplishment or failure seems trivial in comparison to the truth. The truth that we don't know, the truth of the before and the after of each individual death. There must be an answer somewhere buried or perhaps right in front of me in a parallel universal gap. I just don't know.

I know there's something more… I’m sure there must be a mistake left here somewhere for me to discover. I can't help but be caught up in a mess of questions that apparently give my journey meaning as the moments go.

The Calling

It took me nearly 26 years to find my calling. The same calling that never gave up on trying infinite ways of letting me know what it was or that it was there. The calling has such an admirable face to it. It's diligent, brave and meaningful in making its purpose effectively through the hands of time to always the perfect place at the perfect moment. At this precise time my calling is in the process of blooming it's fruits in my life. It's seeds are now germinating the beginnings of beautiful gardens where I can reap the fruits of future callings of those around me.
I had my skills defined in different areas of study, however, I never found the profession that I would be happy with. One day I realized through different jobs that my passion lies in helping people. I thrive off of knowing that all of my skills are being utilized for the good of someone else's life and ultimately for the bettering of society as a whole. I know I can't change the world. But I know that the way I engage in helping people is genuine and from the sincere depth of my love for our human race, therefore whatever services they receive from me are from the sky. Even the imperfections in my work are honest and genuine and absent of harm. Everything that I do is a reflection of me. I take pride in my work and try hard to produce accuracy and substance. And all of the hurdles I've stumbled with to overcome, have a significance and authenticity to it. I'm like a wine getting more valuable with time and I've learned to acknowledge it and embrace it. It's the mindfulness I've been exploring each day that will make me succeed as a social worker when I begin that journey, when I begin my path. Since nothing is guaranteed, I employ my faith to cooperate with my natural perception of realism and have assessed that my path was destined to me and the way I walk down my path is my own determinism. I have a passion for learning and a passion for accepting that there's magnitudes of knowledge for me to explore. I like knowing that I can be a dreamer with a structured and professional objective of chasing my dreams. As long as I maintain mindfulness and awareness I can continue to fall awake into this lifetime.

Unknown

For months I heard sounds
Profound sounds of a dark fog...but this fog had life....
Hormonal imbalance, post partum psychosis, OCD
That's how the doctors explained it to me.
These sounds were coming from the TV,
Sometimes music sometimes a show...
But when the last episode occurred I almost lost it,
I questioned a whole lifetime of normalcy and sanity....
It was a song with a jazzy beat, a mesh of instruments, and a flamenco twist,
I stepped out the shower calm and relaxed,
The music played and my mind didnt even note it,
I walked on the cold tiles towards my room,
Suddenly the sounds consumed me like a posession,
I cant recall how and when but my body jolted forward as i started running toward the kitchen,
I was paralyzed, comatose, and immobile...somehow....outside of myself I watched my limbs dangle and heard my voice shake,
I heard repeated words of "NOOO" escape my mouth,
I couldn't control it, I don't know how...
I neared the ipod as it extrapolated demonic soundwaves,
I felt consumed by volcanic expectorants of surreal eerieness,
The iPod was in the dock, once i reached the spot where we were face to face and it seemed like time stopped...
What I experienced re-defined the word shock...
I was right in front of it and I noticed that what I heard from afar was not a dream, it was really happening, not a movie scene...
At this point I could barely move and when I did I shook like a Parkinson's patient,
Up close my ears were fine tuned to the evil in the sounds it was releasing,
my antennas were throbbing with a desire to explode,
How horrible, how mortifying, how frightening...I just wanted to become nothing.
I was able to move my hand enough to knock the iPod off the player,
The silence as frightening as seconds before, failed to reassure me the nightmare was over,
I Tried to return to my body and distraught in panic I sped to my bedroom to change,
I prayed to the saints to help me so that God could reach out to me and help me faster,
I took my stamp of St. Michael the Archangel to drive out what had tried to intoxicate me,
I sat outside crying confused in despair,
Wondering what why how and what again,
nothing but questions in the air,
I was exhausted of hearing things, seeing things and shadows, and more..
Was I psychotic, demented, schizophrenic?
Was it a message, was it an alien, was it a spirit what was it?
My soul purged tears in hopes of peace,
Years passed...the questions fail to cease....
Funny, I want to know but I'm afraid to ask....



Spiritual seeking...There was a message in it....I'mconvinced at last.